At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm just crazy horny about you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
