Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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