It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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