dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
