did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
