i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
