Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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