Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
