it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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