Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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