I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
