Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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