i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize