just tell him i said nine months
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
