If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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