im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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