sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
