Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the day after is always just damage control
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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