his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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