but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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