My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
