I puked a lego.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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