Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
