Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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