He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
