I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
