South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
