I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
