There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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