Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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