Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
