So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.