Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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