Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other