Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
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We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm like, not good at living.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.