tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way