I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.