I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
