You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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