Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
