Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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