I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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