I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
