end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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