also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
