My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
