if only i could text you this smell
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
