yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
