I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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