Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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