he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
