My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
