that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
