That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
