Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
