you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
