Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sobbing to NWA
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