shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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