I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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