I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
