I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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