Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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